Monday, July 25, 2011

Free to Dance

Even though I have been home from Nicaragua for the past one and a half weeks. I’ve still been processing everything that happened in Nicaragua and what all God has been teaching me. I think many times people think after you come back from a missions trip you go back to your normal life, and that’s it. That is definitely not how it has been for me.  During half a week at Training Camp then three and half weeks in Nicaragua God changed me.  I knew before this journey had even begun that God was going to do amazing things in those 4 weeks.  But then and even now I still can’t wrap my mind around the fullness of it all. A few years ago we moved from a place I loved, a place that was home to me, a place where I still love to go. But like I said we moved. Sadly during that move my family and I lost many friends. Friends that we never really had the chance to say good-bye to.  It was one of those moves that changes you. You have to decide if it changes you in a good way of a bad way. At the time I told myself that I would not let moving and pain that came with it pull me down. I’m sorry to say that is not how I handled it. Over the past 3 almost 4 years I have known that I never had dealt with the pain and hurt. I knew I needed to, and many times I tried to convince myself that I had, but truthfully I hadn’t.  All this changed this summer. God showed me at Training Camp that I had been fooling myself, and I had to deal with it.  My leader Jessie told me to write down everything I felt I had I right to be mad about, then rip up the paper, and throw it away. I wrote it down, felt a little better, but never ripped it up or throw it away. It just was there in my notebook where I could go anytime I wanted to read, and remember the pain it brought. But after about two weeks I knew it was time to really deal with it completely, which also meant opening all the wounds that I never allowed God to heal. So, I started from scratch, wrote down everything, I took my time this time to really be able to be real with myself and real with God. When I was finished writing everything down I for the last time read everything I had written. After reading it, I stood up from where I was doing my quiet time, went into the bathroom, sat on the floor with the trashcan and started ripping it up and throwing it away. Throwing it away for it to never come back again to haunt me. That day I handed it all to God.  Then I really don’t think I truly got how much God had lifted off me. But after being home I have come to realize just how much God has changed me, and how free I feel now.  A few days ago during one of my best friend and mine’s one and half hour conversations I told her I felt free from the bondage of hurt and pain, and even anger that I had let control a good amount of my life. Now, I truly feel free to dance! Free to be bound (also there is a great book that is called Free to be Bound) in Christ!


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Orphans Of God

This past Friday my team and I went to a Orphanage just for girls. Earlier in the week someone explained to us that most if not all the girls in the orphanage are not really orphans. There parents are most probably still alive, but their parents did not want them, so they brought them to the orphanage. After hearing this it made me want to go even more. So Friday we set off to go. After about a 10 minute walk we were there. After a Teacher unlocked the front gate so we could come in. The teacher told us we had one hour to spend with the girls. As we walked through a few girls meet us with big hugs. The girls grabbed our hands and brougt us to where we would be for the remander of the hour. As we were setting our water bottles and the rest of our things on a table, more girls came flowing in. As soon as we had set our things down we started singing and play with the girls. It did not take long to realize the girls are starving for people to love on them. And we are just the right people to do so. As I walked back over to the table where I had set my water bottle I notice a little girl sitting by herself, a walked over to her to ask her if she wanted to join in all the playing and singing. When I asked her and just shock her head no, I then sat down and started talking to her in a little to no spanish. After I had said everything I knew in spanish, I just sat there for a few minutes. Thinking that the the 6 year old girl really did not want me there I started to stand up, once she realized what I was doing she grabbed my hand and told me no in a much louder voice than she had been using. I sat right back down knowing that this girl just wanted someone to love and spend to with her. I was completely out of things to say, but me just being there was enough for her.
I only spent about 20 to 30 minutes with her, but it was one of my favorite things so far that I have done in Nicaragua. This girl was probably brought to the orphanage by her parents because they did not want her, and she probably knows that. She might go to bed at night every night thinking about the family that left her. But God does not look at this little 6 year old girl as orphan or a unwanted child. God sees her as a child of his, a child that he will never leave.
I wanted to tell her all this and more, but my lack of spanish would not let me tell her all this. The only thing I could do for this little child was to pray in silents as she colored. And all the time I heared God say was the world might see her as a orphan or a unwanted kid, but to me she will never to a orphan.
That night when we can back to the place we are staying I put my earphones in and listen to Orphans of God. And for the first time when they sang There are No Orphans of God I saw the face of the little girl. Not just the word Orphans.