Free to Dance

Even though I have been home from Nicaragua for the past one and a half weeks. I’ve still been processing everything that happened in Nicaragua and what all God has been teaching me. I think many times people think after you come back from a missions trip you go back to your normal life, and that’s it. That is definitely not how it has been for me.  During half a week at Training Camp then three and half weeks in Nicaragua God changed me.  I knew before this journey had even begun that God was going to do amazing things in those 4 weeks.  But then and even now I still can’t wrap my mind around the fullness of it all. A few years ago we moved from a place I loved, a place that was home to me, a place where I still love to go. But like I said we moved. Sadly during that move my family and I lost many friends. Friends that we never really had the chance to say good-bye to.  It was one of those moves that changes you. You have to decide if it changes you in a good way of a bad way. At the time I told myself that I would not let moving and pain that came with it pull me down. I’m sorry to say that is not how I handled it. Over the past 3 almost 4 years I have known that I never had dealt with the pain and hurt. I knew I needed to, and many times I tried to convince myself that I had, but truthfully I hadn’t.  All this changed this summer. God showed me at Training Camp that I had been fooling myself, and I had to deal with it.  My leader Jessie told me to write down everything I felt I had I right to be mad about, then rip up the paper, and throw it away. I wrote it down, felt a little better, but never ripped it up or throw it away. It just was there in my notebook where I could go anytime I wanted to read, and remember the pain it brought. But after about two weeks I knew it was time to really deal with it completely, which also meant opening all the wounds that I never allowed God to heal. So, I started from scratch, wrote down everything, I took my time this time to really be able to be real with myself and real with God. When I was finished writing everything down I for the last time read everything I had written. After reading it, I stood up from where I was doing my quiet time, went into the bathroom, sat on the floor with the trashcan and started ripping it up and throwing it away. Throwing it away for it to never come back again to haunt me. That day I handed it all to God.  Then I really don’t think I truly got how much God had lifted off me. But after being home I have come to realize just how much God has changed me, and how free I feel now.  A few days ago during one of my best friend and mine’s one and half hour conversations I told her I felt free from the bondage of hurt and pain, and even anger that I had let control a good amount of my life. Now, I truly feel free to dance! Free to be bound (also there is a great book that is called Free to be Bound) in Christ!